Jeana Arter » Life Changing

::Change::

Jeana — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 03:31:02 +0000

I was glancing at my monthly academic calender last night and I stopped to see what I was doing this time a year ago. I am amazed how much my life has improved and how much I myself have changed.

I cannot believe that just a year has passed it seems like a decade almost.

I have lost contact with many I considered good friends, made new ones and have come to the realization that some of the new friends are just not worth the effort anymore. I am mature beyond my peers, even at twenty-five. I have become a lot more honest in the past year, realizing I do not need to waste my time and energy on those I do not care about. I have realized I cannot make everyone happy so it is imperative that I make myself and those I love happy first.

I know where I want to be a year from now, in three years, five and in ten. A year ago I was so out of touch with reality and surrounded by drama I could hardly focus on the next month. I use to think that if only I knew more about myself at a younger age I could have made different choices. Yet if I had I would not be where I am today.

With my birthday fast approaching I can finally say for the first time ever, I am at peace with the person that I am and the future I am building.

I was not happy with the person I became after moving to Southern California. I drank too much, I stopped caring about my family, about school, about a career. I was immersed in a lifestyle where no one cared about tomorrow much less the consequences for their actions. I slowly began to adopt the same out look. I stopped trying because it was easier for me to not try at all rather than face failure.

That person no longer exists. I have surrounded myself with strong, positive, and ambitious people. By doing so I have found the happier side of myself. I am ready to work hard and achieve my goals. I wake up in the morning grateful for all that I have and for the ones I love. I take the time to find the good in things around me rather than focusing purely on the negative.

The most important transformation that has taken place in the last year is my relationship with Austin. Not only have we found true love but we have found true happiness with one another. Austin and I have experienced our share of bumps in the road and survived. He has become my best friend, he has helped make me a better person.

My mom use to put notes in my snack bag before every swim meet, the following one was one of her favorites.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most…We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Thanks Mom! It still inspires me to today.

Here are some of my life lessons.

no matter how much I care,
some people just do not care back

that when I believe the world has turned its back on me, to take a look around..
I most likely turned my back on the world

people will forget what I have said and even what I have done,
but they will never forget how I made them feel

that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it

that its not what I have in my life
but who I have that counts

that its taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be

that its a lot easier
to react than it is to think

that I can keep going
long after I believe I cannot

that I am responsible for what I do,
no matter how I feel

that I can control my attitude
or it controls me

that learning to forgive takes practice

that sometimes when Iam angry I have the right to be angry,
but that does not give me the right to be cruel

that just because someone does not love me the way I want
them to, does not mean they do not love me with all they have

that maturity is about what types of experiences I have had
& what I have learned from them

that it isn’t always enough to be forgiven by others
sometimes I have to learn to forgive MYself

that no matter how badmy heart is broken
the world will not stop for my grief

that my background and circumstances
may have influenced who I am,
but I am responsible for who I become

that just because two people argue,
does NOT mean they do not love each other.
and just because two people do not argue,
does not mean they do

that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life

that when i have lost faith it is possilbe to find it again

::Growing Up::

Jeana — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 18:11:41 +0000

I have matured more in the past 5 months than I thought I would over the next 5 years.

I am at a point in my life where I am truly happy with myself and my relationship with my boyfriend.
I am saddened because I have recently lost what use to be a good friend.

It was a devastating day when I realized my suppose to be best friend loves coke more than me.
It was a devastating day when I had to cut her out of my life in order to move forward.
It was a devastating day when I realized all the help I could offer her would never be enough.

I thought we would be life long friends.
However she has proven to me in the past 8 months that she is not a friend, she is a party girl and will never be much more than that.

The worst part is when I cut her out of my life, she never even called to ask why.
Which means she already knew.
Her continued selfish acts solidifies her addictions.

I wish her the best and may she recover and live a healthy and happy life.

down and out

Jeana — Sun, 03 Feb 2008 01:39:52 +0000

feeling a little confused and out of control.Been betrayed a lot, finding out about some old lies.Coming to terms and dealing with new ones.I am lost…hurt…and hopeless at the moment.I dont know where to go or who i can actually talk to.

::It Never Ends::

Jeana — Sat, 17 Nov 2007 04:20:47 +0000

I am truly saddened today.I thought growing up meant leaving behind drama and bull shit.However I have been brutally reminded today that this is not the case.Some will hate and be crule just because they are jealous.I am mostly upset bc I am tired of stupid people sending my MySpace messages when they dont know me.Just bc you knew my boyfriend doesnt mean you know me.Moreover just because my boyfriend chose me and not some random slut doesnt make me a horrible person.For those who actually know me, know that I am an incredibly kind and giving person.I will do anything for those I love.But I am reminded why that list is so short today.

::Wonderful Words of Wisdom::

Jeana — Thu, 31 May 2007 05:20:30 +0000

You aren’t going to be her first, her last, or her only. She’s loved before, she will love again, but if she loves you now what else matters? She’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if she can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and admits to being human and making mistakes, hold on to her and give her the most you can. She isn’t going to quote poetry, she’s not thinking about you every moment, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you could break. Don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t expect more than she can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when she makes you happy, yell when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had.” -Anonymous
I think this applies to boys and girls, wonderful msg to let soak in and really think about.
Be thankful for what you have when you have it.
Life is way to short to be bitter all the time and take those you love for granted.

::Passed::

Jeana — Tue, 22 May 2007 02:03:22 +0000

When family members pass it is becomes the most eye opening and devastating experience.I did not know my Grandma well, but at last she was a part of my family.Her death has only effected my through my mothers greving process.She will be missed by those who knew and loved her.May she rest in peace.

::A Woman Should::

Jeana — Mon, 21 May 2007 00:56:40 +0000

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own.Even if she never wants to or needs to…A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…something perfect to wear if the employer,or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…a youth she’s content to leave behind.A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE…a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….one friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry.A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a mealthat will make her guests feel honored.A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE …a feeling of control over her destiny.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to fall in love without losing herself.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to quit a job,break up with a lover,confront a friend without;ruining the friendship.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…when to try harder and WHEN TO WALK AWAY.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…that she can’t change the length of her calves,the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.[although a good plastic surgen can! ]EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…what she would and wouldn’t do for love.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…how to live alone even if she doesn’t like it.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…whom she can trust,whom she can’t,and why she shouldn’t take it personally.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…where to go,be it to her best friend’s kitchen table or a charming inn in the woodswhen her soul needs soothing.EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW…what she can and can’t accomplish in a day,a month,and a year.

::Inspiration::

Jeana — Fri, 18 May 2007 02:38:13 +0000

Its been a very long, emotional week for me. I am in need of a little inspiration. I thought I would share!
Think freely
Practice patience
Smile often
Savor special moments
Make new friends
Rediscover old ones
Tell those that you love that you do
Feel deeply
Discard worry
Forget trouble
Forgive an enemy
Keep a promise
Take a chance
Try something new
Reach out
Have good ideas
Make some mistakes
Learn from them
Be crazy
Count your blessings
Observe miracles — make them happen
Pick some daisies
Share them
See a sunrise
Listen to the rain
Look for rainbows
Gaze at the stars
See beauty everywhere
Laugh heartily
Spread joy
Reminisce
GiveTrust
Give in
Slow downLet someone in
Be soft sometimes
Hope
Grow
Work hard
Be wise
Try to understand
Cry when you need to
Trust life
Have faith
Enjoy wonderComfort a friend
Believe in your sel
fWhen the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don’t see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had
.It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they’ll love you back!
Don’t expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn’t, be content it grew in yours.
Don’t go for looks; they can deceive Don’t go for wealth; even that fades away Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
The happiest people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along the way.
Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can’t go on in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

::Fast Food Nation::

Jeana — Tue, 10 Apr 2007 21:47:34 +0000

I read the book, Fast Food Nation. However it was not until I watched the movie that it all really hit home.
Let me start off by saying I lived on a farm when I was younger. My dad chopped heads off chickens and sent our cattle to the butchers. I was not a big meat eater until my college years because of this.
I have gradually worked my way to eating more and more meat. However after watching this movie, I cannot see myself doing so any longer!
Below is the clip that I am talking about.

After watching that if you can still have a craving for a stake or handbuger I am speachless.